


Deep Play

by SirJosephBanksFRS



Series: So It Began [6]
Category: Aubrey-Maturin Series - Patrick O'Brian
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-01-05
Updated: 2013-01-05
Packaged: 2017-11-23 19:15:06
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,533
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/625629
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SirJosephBanksFRS/pseuds/SirJosephBanksFRS
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>En route to Bombay in <em>HMS Surprise</em>, Stephen muses about his attachment to Jack in his journal and recovers his health.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Deep Play

_23 May 1805_

_JA's entire life is deep play, as Bentham defines it. The stakes are so high that no rational man would ever engage in it, but engage he does. He plays at life daily as I play at cards. I am exceptionally skilful at cards which others see as incredible and uncanny luck. The real amount of risk to me is usually quite small. He is Lucky Jack and for the most part, that which he has any power or control over, he usually wins handsomely. He is cursed with a vociferous and active father and no real friends in Whitehall and yet somehow comes out ahead. The cruise of his career is beset with intermittent ugly squalls but he triumphs again and again. He gambles all regularly – his life, his freedom, his health, his career, the lives of his people. He is such a sanguine creature that it comes naturally to him. He is for the most part, entirely fearless. He dismisses this kind of talk by saying the outcome is all about having the weather gauge and acting to “control the engagement.” There is a lot of truth in this, but clearly there is much more. He takes on unbelievable odds routinely as he did with the_ Cacafuego.

_I wish so badly to speak openly with him. So much has gone unsaid between us. But how does one man ask another man how he came to fall in love with him? And how should I even answer that myself? For I find myself now deeply in love with him, more than I should have ever guessed possible. My own reticence would never allow me to pose or answer such a question._

_I esteem him very highly, had greater fellow-feeling for him than any other man I have ever met. He is my dearest friend. I have courage, I suppose, but JA may be the most courageous man I have ever known. I cannot articulate what happened or when except to say that night in Port Mahón changed both of us and our friendship forever. My affection and esteem for him increased dramatically and I found myself yearning to express my feelings for him physically until I dreamt nightly that we were lovers. I have never had a friend like JA, I have never felt this strongly about anyone save D and truth be told, in some ways my feelings for him are stronger than for her. At some point I will press D by making a firm proposal, probably in India and risk a complete break. I would not have risked losing my friendship with JA for any pay-off, no matter how great. I rationalize by telling myself that it is my affection and esteem for him and desire to protect him but know that the possibility of a break was more than I could bear, particularly after what came to pass on the Polychrest.I do not gamble so much. I cannot gamble so much._

_JA made the simplest, most straightforward and brave declaration to me. It staggered me. He risked all to tell and then show me. All. His career, his reputation, his friends, his would be marriage to Sophie, his whole future and as significantly, our friendship, that coin I dare not ante. I cannot justify it by saying, “That is just JA” or believe that he is simply reckless. He is not. There was no weather gauge to have, he controlled no engagement and he, one of the most conservative, tradition-bound of men risked all to declare his attachment to me in wholly unambiguous terms and actions._

Four weeks had passed since Jack and Stephen had made love in Stephen's room at the Grapes. Stephen had wanted to write in his journal every day that had passed but not until they had cruised in the hot sun of the Canaries had his hands been up to the task of making a long entry in his journal. 

The trip had thus far been an extremely happy one for Dr. Maturin. The only shadow to fall in the long blazing afternoon of his happiness had been the fact that Captain Aubrey had been forced to give up much of the great cabin to Mr. Stanhope and his officious and disagreeable secretary, Mr. Atkins. This meant that there was no chance for them to be truly alone together at meals or playing music, virtually every sound being audible on the other side of the bulkheads. Jack had seen fit to compensate by consulting Stephen daily for one bell in his cabin with the door shut. They could not, behind a locked door, keep their hands off each other. Stephen, ever the intelligence agent, always hung a heavy towel to obscure the keyhole from any curious eyes. 

Stephen could not help but note that the degree of continual pain he was in had gone down dramatically, the pain on exertion was decreased substantially as well, seemingly with every sexual act that he and Jack had performed together. He thought glibly that it would make a wonderful research case study but that there was no way to present it in any meaningful way and that there were too many variables besides his own climaxes. “Alas, there is no way to quantify the emotion of love or its impact on the physiognomy.” Stephen mused to himself. The swimming in the warm sea that Jack enjoindered Stephen to do with him on a daily basis since they passed Madeira had also seemed to hugely reduce his pain and increase his strength substantially. 

Stephen had no fear of discovery on the voyage out because the crew so loathed "that bleedin' sod Mr. Atkins" that all assumed that Captain Aubrey was seeing his particular friend on a daily basis to say what could not be decently said publicly anywhere on the ship. When Jack had laughed out loud inadvertently and left Stephen's cabin for supper, the hands he had passed had smiled at him as though they were in on the joke of what Captain Aubrey had told Dr. Maturin he would say to"that bloody bugger Mr. Atkins" the next time the secretary verbally harangued him "on his own quarterdeck and before breakfast, too." Jack smiled and nodded as they made their obedience and went back to the cabin. 

“Jack, I feel so very well,” Stephen said very softly, kissing him and loosening Jack's clothes as quickly as he could, while Jack made quick work of taking Stephen's off. 

“I am so glad to hear it.” 

“I want us to attempt a variation we have yet to explore, my dear.” 

“Here, Stephen? There's so little room.” Jack said and flushed pink. 

“There is more than enough.” They were standing in their shirts alone and Stephen opened a jar of coconut butter he had refined himself. 

“Stephen, are you certain? 

“The sun and heat have knit my fibres most admirably, Jack.” Stephen said, putting his fingers in the jar. 

“Stephen, pray do not get that oil on my shirt or Killick will have my head.” 

"Then take it off!” Stephen whispered. “It is too hot any way.” Jack removed his shirt at once. “Jack, we should lie upon the locker with this on it.” He nodded to the blanket as Jack's ardour grew demonstrably greater in his hands. They both moved down to the locker and Stephen put oil on Jack's hands. “Touch here. Like this” He said, guiding Jack's hand, which trembled in his. 

“Now, Jack, take this finger and press here.” Jack did so and Stephen covered his own mouth with his arm to staunch the sounds of his moans. Jack grasped him with the other hand. Feeling Stephen's reaction made Jack all the more aroused. “Jack, pray take the oil and put more on yourself.” Jack did so. Stephen motioned Jack to penetrate him and Jack did so, very slowly and almost gingerly, so afraid of hurting Stephen. Every movement increased his and Stephen's arousal and shortly thereafter Stephen was moaning into his own arm as Jack muffled his own groans in Stephen's neck as he thrust his hips, trying to make as little noise as possible, for what was a completely earthshaking experience for the both of them. When they had both spent, they lay there hot, sticky, exhausted and absurdly happy. 

“Stephen, do you have Turkish towelling?” Stephen pointed and Jack grabbed it and started wiping off himself and Stephen. He kissed Stephen's neck very tenderly and said, “Well, Doctor, I may never play the pianoforte again.” 

“I would say the treatment worked except that you never played it before.” Jack laughed very loudly because he did, in fact, play the pianoforte and started putting his clothes on quickly. 

“Stephen, that is so droll that is too bad I shall never be able to repeat it.” Jack said. They stood up and Jack kissed him very hard as Stephen shifted the last of his clothes for the gunroom. 

“I shall consult you tomorrow then, Doctor,” Jack said loudly and Stephen unlocked the door and Jack walked out. Stephen saw the smiles and winks of shipmates and was profoundly happy. 


End file.
